Wednesday, September 29, 2010

It's Raining It's Pouring...

The old man is snoring...

I love the rain.  It is so refreshing to see the cracked, parched earth soak it up and become soft and fertile again.  This kind of weather makes me want to sit and listen to silence and drink warm things.  My clicking keys are a welcome sound in the quiet.  There hasn't been much time for writing lately.

It is hard to believe another year is wrapping up.  It seems like just yesterday I was still getting used to public school in my awkward teens, and now I am a grown woman with my own home to take care of.  I love my life.  My husband is absolutely the most amazing man that I know, and I love that he is a called man of God.  I love that our relationship was founded around Christ.

We have made a commitment to leave Liberty in the spring.  This has left us with much anticipation and sadness at once.  Last night we prayed together for direction since we do not know where we will go.  This is becoming a common occurrence.  Praying together is such a bonding experience.  I like this stage of waiting.  It can be frustrating, but it is constantly reminding me that the Lord is at hand.  He is our provider.  I was so comforted last night when I remembered that He already knows our steps.  He sees our future.  There is no mystery for Him, and He is our Father.  Fathers provide for their children.

Luke 11:11-13 says:

"What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

I trust those words.

Another development in the McKinney household lately has been that David will be leading a missions trip to the Amazon in March.  Want to hear something even more amazing?? Good, because I was going to tell you anyway...

I get to go with him!!!

Can you believe it?  A trip to the heart of Brazil (well, the northern part).  We will be sleeping on hammocks on a boat on the Amazon River, stopping at villages along the way and offering medical support.  I have never done anything so adventurous before!

Please keep praying for us during this time of waiting and transition.  Pray that we would have discernment in making decisions for the future.  Pray that we would have strength and endurance to finish this last year out strong.  Pray that our relationship keeps growing with the Lord and with each other.  We want to be sold out for the Lord, but so much can distract.  Thank you so much for those of you who already lift us up to our Heavenly Father.  You are such a blessing to us.

Well, I think I've rambled on for long enough.  Time to get moving! :)

Monday, September 6, 2010

Unmerited Guilt

I've been avoiding writing on this blog lately because I wanted everything to be chronological and picture perfect.  I wanted to be organized and efficient, detailed and descriptive.  Well, life just doesn't always go that way for me.  I sometimes abhor structure, only to turn around and long for it again. In writing these words I have to wonder, "have I ever finished anything strong?" I seem to be the kind of person that runs out of the gates full speed ahead with as much enthusiasm as anyone else does. Somewhere down the road I get bored or tired or frustrated, and right about that time is when something else comes up that I would just love to try.  Another challenge to conquer, yet conquering never quite seems to happen.

The people I love tell me, "Rachel, you can do anything," and my thought is "Well why can I never seem to want something enough to stick with it?" And then the guilt ensues over the fact that I have made halfhearted decisions over and over again.

I do not want to live a halfhearted life, but I can never seem to stop focusing on too many things! I am really struggling with this today and yesterday, and right now I am just going to sit with the Lord for a while instead of trying to solve my own weaknesses.