Monday, September 6, 2010

Unmerited Guilt

I've been avoiding writing on this blog lately because I wanted everything to be chronological and picture perfect.  I wanted to be organized and efficient, detailed and descriptive.  Well, life just doesn't always go that way for me.  I sometimes abhor structure, only to turn around and long for it again. In writing these words I have to wonder, "have I ever finished anything strong?" I seem to be the kind of person that runs out of the gates full speed ahead with as much enthusiasm as anyone else does. Somewhere down the road I get bored or tired or frustrated, and right about that time is when something else comes up that I would just love to try.  Another challenge to conquer, yet conquering never quite seems to happen.

The people I love tell me, "Rachel, you can do anything," and my thought is "Well why can I never seem to want something enough to stick with it?" And then the guilt ensues over the fact that I have made halfhearted decisions over and over again.

I do not want to live a halfhearted life, but I can never seem to stop focusing on too many things! I am really struggling with this today and yesterday, and right now I am just going to sit with the Lord for a while instead of trying to solve my own weaknesses.


  1. First of all..YAY! You posted!!

    Second...You just completely described my personality and I have to say, I did laugh because it all sounded so familiar!

    Third...Yes, I have grown and yet, I do still make those frustrating "half-hearted decisions" sometimes...mostly when it is something very important...

    Fourth...I am daily seeking His counsel and the more I do, the more those decisions come with His will in mind and therefore, they become whole-hearted ones.

    I love you, Sweetie!! SO MUCH!! Have a wonderful day...and remember...Christmas is coming! We'll actually see each other face to face!!

  2. I too was so glad to see this post!! I have to admit I daily look to see what you have written! Rachel you have such a way with words and seem to always express it so clearly.

    I, too, feel so similarly to you. You know the answer: to sit with your Lord and King, the lover of your soul, and for this I am so blessed. He is the one who will direct our every moment if we will just remember He is with us and has a wonderful plan for us! He also knows us so well and isn't surprised by our weaknesses. When we see them we get discouraged, all the while He is watching as we grow with each discovery. What we see as weakness He sees as a chance for us to run to Him so He can change us into His glory. Thanks be to God our everything!! He causes all things to work for our good!!

    I love you Rachel and am always blessed to see God moving in your life!