I've been avoiding writing on this blog lately because I wanted everything to be chronological and picture perfect. I wanted to be organized and efficient, detailed and descriptive. Well, life just doesn't always go that way for me. I sometimes abhor structure, only to turn around and long for it again. In writing these words I have to wonder, "have I ever finished anything strong?" I seem to be the kind of person that runs out of the gates full speed ahead with as much enthusiasm as anyone else does. Somewhere down the road I get bored or tired or frustrated, and right about that time is when something else comes up that I would just love to try. Another challenge to conquer, yet conquering never quite seems to happen.
The people I love tell me, "Rachel, you can do anything," and my thought is "Well why can I never seem to want something enough to stick with it?" And then the guilt ensues over the fact that I have made halfhearted decisions over and over again.
I do not want to live a halfhearted life, but I can never seem to stop focusing on too many things! I am really struggling with this today and yesterday, and right now I am just going to sit with the Lord for a while instead of trying to solve my own weaknesses.