It's a cold winter day and I have soup on the stove simmering. I'm in the mood for baking, but my heart is thoughtful and I haven't updated my blog for a while, so here I am... updating.
This morning's bible study was mainly about adoption and foster care. I was reminded that as a follower of Christ, I am not called to live a life of perfect peace and tranquility. I am called to enter the mess of the unfortunate and the vulnerable. I am called to visit them in their time of need... to offer them the nourishment that I have so liberally received. And believe me... there are messes to be entered. Right now the shelter for foster children in our community is completely full. There are hundreds of children abandoned to this kind of a life in my very own city. In the world there are millions. I was overwhelmed by the need this morning, and today I am asking God, "what do I do?" I need to take action, but what action does He want me to take now? Volunteer at the local crisis pregnancy center? What is He calling me to do in the future? Foster a child? Adopt? Maybe. I am coming to a place where I hurt enough over people's needs to make some sacrifices. I am ready for God to speak to David and to me about His plan for us to defend the vulnerable.
It's a beautiful thing to have your heart broken. I want to allow pain to transform me. I want to allow the needs of others around me to permeate my thoughts and to burden me to the point of action. I have never really wanted this before. It's not natural. I have always wanted to be happy and peaceful and to have the lines of my life drawn in such a way that no color escapes the right places. Life on this earth just wasn't meant to look that way. I'm coming to see that. It's awkward. How do you deliberately color outside the lines? How do you embrace a feeling you have spent your life learning how to flee? Heartache. Suffering. How can I learn to embrace them as gifts?
I don't know.
I know I'll find out if I continue this following with everything I've got. I am counting the cost and my heart is stepping forward. May my actions follow swiftly behind.