Pork Pie and a Ball of Cookie

My favorite part of the day is when D comes home. Married life seems to have quieted my mind. I feel at rest with who I am and what I am doing in life. I no longer feel the need to wonder who might be watching me or what kind of an impression I may be making. If you are single you probably know exactly what I am talking about. "What if my future husband is IN THIS ROOM???" I don't care how mature or laid back you are, we've all thought about it before.

I find myself growing up lately. I love having my own home, decorating and cleaning, entertaining guests, but it's the simple times with my husband that are the most pleasurable. When we are together, we are children again. I love the nights when he comes home from work and we have nothing scheduled. I love getting the house ready for "the king" to come home. I love kissing him at the door and asking about his day. Ok, so usually I spill my guts to him first, end up realizing that I have verbal diarrhea, and finally get around to asking him about his day, but you get the picture. I just love all of it.

Sunday afternoon, while D was taking a nap, I decided to make my Auntie Sue's famous Pork Pie. D woke up to the aroma of rosemary and apples cooking on the stove. He was so thankful that I made dinner that he decided to bake me some cookies. He had never done this before, but was very confident in his endeavor, so he quickly set about following the recipe's directions. After a near scare in forgetting the eggs (but triumphantly remembering them at the last minute!), he scooped his prized accomplishment in little (ok, kind of big) blobs all along the cookie sheet. Next he whisked them into the oven, setting the timer so that the cookies wouldn't burn. What he soon discovered is that cookie dough spreads out a lot when it's cooked. To his dismay, a hot pan of misshapen cookies all stuck together emerged from the oven, and worse, our "non-stick" pan didn't seem to have any "non-stick" qualities. His face fell when he tried to scrape the mess off the pan and I was nearly feeling bad for him when his entire face lit up and he exclaimed, "I know! Let's make it into a cookie ball!" Immediately he went to work forming what every child's dream would be... a giant, sticky, melty ball of cookie. We were both laughing and we decided that this would be a better dessert than we had expected.

This whole little ordeal made me realize how blessed we are in our outlook on life. We don't always communicate love or respect to each other. We mess things up and we bump and bruise each other's feelings every now and then, but overall we can take a big fail and turn it into some very sweet memories. We have to remember sometimes that we are on the same team. We are fighting for each other, not against each other. It is so comforting to have a covering and a hedge of a protection. Just last night as I was falling asleep I listened to D lift our new little family up in prayer, and I drifted off thanking the Lord for providing this man to care for me and love me. I among all the women am the most blessed.

"I found the one my heart loves." -Song of Solomon 3:4

Happy Tears

In the hustle and bustle of the past few days, I haven't taken much time to think about how I feel, but lately I've been in sort of a scrambled state. This morning I felt myself wishing D would somehow let me know that everything is going ok... you know, let me know if I'm doing a good job and if he's satisfied and happy with the way I am... his wife. He never gave me a reason to doubt his satisfaction or happiness, but today I just needed something extra. You know those days?

But how can you express that to the one closest to you? You really can't ask, "Hey baby, why don't you leave me a little note on the table today telling me you love me," and to ask "hey, am I doing a good job?" is a silly way to fish for whatever you're needing, right? That's what I was thinking, so I said nothing, except for asking him to help me make a daily schedule since I've been so scrambled lately. I had even dismissed this desire for something extra and gone on happily through the rest of the day. That is, until I just checked my e-mail. There at the top of my inbox was an e-mail from D's e-mail address, the Subject Line reading, "25 Things I Love About My Wife." My pulse quickened as I clicked the message open and began to read. How did I end up in a heap of tears? I'm still not sure, but these 25 simple things touched me so tenderly. My eyes welled up until I could no longer see the computer screen, even though I was only about half way through.

Marriage will not make a person happy. I am learning that. It takes two content people to have a happy marriage. When I am content with what the Lord has given and I am faithful in the small things, my husband has his chance to sweep me off my feet. I am so thankful for these simple sweet days.

For All You Engaged

Hello Readers! (if you exist)

Just two short months ago, I and my sweet husband vowed to become a permanent part of each other's lives "for better or for worse." The road has not yet been long, but it has been full. Life seems to be flashing forward in quick scenes, so I am hoping to document some of it by way of this blog. If nothing else, I will have written down memories that may eventually escape me. I even wish I had begun writing during our engagement, so if you ARE happily engaged (although engagement seemed to D and I to be absolute torture), start writing now! You will want to remember those times, torturous as they may seem.

Lately I find myself looking back fondly on the ache and the longing I once felt so keenly. To feel so strongly is a gift, though painful at times. It is sweet to remember the ache. We could barely wait for December 12th, the day when our relationship would be complete. Or so we thought. Having been married only two months, the first few days of marriage seem so shallow compared to the rest of our life. I expect things to continue this way; life continues on, all the while growing deeper in meaning and authentic love.

In the Word of God, we are taught to save ourselves physically for marriage for a myriad of reasons, but one of them comes to my mind at the moment. Sex was designed to create a bond that lasts much longer than one night, one week, or even several years. It was meant to be a part of life, not an escape from it. It took me a little bit of time to adjust to the reality that our relationship did not become fully developed in an instant merely because I donned a white dress, and D and I exchanged rings. The reality of sex in marriage is so much greater than the lie that has been fed to us so generously. It is meant for becoming one, but it seems the more time that passes, the more "one" we become.

How can I convey the findings we have uncovered? D and I both wish we could have been more prepared, but we had amazing mentors, so we wonder if it is even possible to understand before you arrive. You can hear something over and over again, and understand it in your head, but sometimes it just takes your arrival to understand fully what was being told to you.

For all you engaged (or dating, or single!)... you must tread by faith in the wake of those who have gone before you. You must believe and heed the warnings you receive without a full understanding. I am so thankful for the warnings I received, because while I did not fully understand them, I lived as closely to them as I thought I could, and this has saved me much heartache and suffering. The warnings I disregarded have lead me down paths of hurt and I would spare you those hurts.

Well, that is all for now! I'm not sure what the rest of this blog will look like, but I suppose we'll find out as it takes it's shape!

Au revoir!